


The Way Home

by Iunara



Series: Steps on the Road [2]
Category: Elder Scrolls, Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: Alternate Timelines, Angst and Romance, Canon-Typical Racism, Canon-Typical Violence, Civil War happened earlier, College of Winterhold - Freeform, Earn Your Happy Ending, F/M, Failure to Communicate, Fantasy Politics, Flashbacks, Magic, No Dragons (yet?), OC is not Dovahkiin, OC-centric, Post-Skyrim Civil War, Separations, Stormcloak Victory, Ten years since the Great War ended, Windhelm (Elder Scrolls)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:48:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24822622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iunara/pseuds/Iunara
Summary: Three years ago, Senja Ice-Heart was reunited with the love of her life, Ulfric Stormcloak. Despite his court’s grumbling at Senja’s Altmer ancestry, the newly crowned Ulfric declared their daughter Etheana a princess of Skyrim.For three years, they were a happy little family. Ulfric would never marry her but he was loyal to her and their two daughters. Or so she thought.With Ulfric’s surprise marriage to a Redguard noblewoman, Senja’s life crumbles. She and her daughters now face a new life together in exile at Winterhold.Beta:joyofthejoui
Relationships: Ulfric Stormcloak/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Steps on the Road [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1795714
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	1. Exile

**Author's Note:**

> This is a continuation of the one-shot [First Steps](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23852992) (you do not have to read it) which wouldn't be possible without the support of my awesome friend and beta [joyofthejoui](https://archiveofourown.org/users/joyofthejoui). (Go check out her stories!)  
> This story's premise revolves around Ulfric's character and how he could have developed if he had fallen for a half-Altmer girl. How would he address his own biases and eventual consequences for openly loving and having a family with her.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Senja faces the horror of losing Ulfric so soon after the birth of their second daughter. Not knowing why she is left wondering about her new circumstances while she and her daughters wait to be brought to Winterhold to start her new life without Ulfric.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta - [joyofthejoui](https://archiveofourown.org/users/joyofthejoui)

* * *

How long had she pretended that nothing could destroy the life she had built with Ulfric? Since he had accepted her back into his life with their daughter heralded loudly and widely as the heir of Skyrim? Since he had named her Thane for her service in the war that won him the title of High King? After all that, she had thought that nothing would ever separate them. She forced a deep breath in, the cool night air in the Temple of Talos sending shivers down her spine even under her thick travelling clothes.

What a fool she was: Senja Ice-Heart, Thane of Eastmarch, mother of the heirs presumptive to the Skyrim throne. She had known that he’d never marry her, that her Altmer half would always cloud the nobility’s eyes with suspicion of an elven coup. Her long service in the Stormcloak army meant nothing to them. Still, her little family had been happy. Etheana had been paraded around for weeks when Ulfric officially declared her as his own. He’d named her princess with Nords bowing their heads; the lowest bows were from the soldiers she had fought alongside. The others . . . she knew now their bows had not been out of deference. No, it had been grudging obedience. Yet, she had seen only that her small family was happy, learning to live together.

The whispers had been the cruelest. They started not a month after she had moved into the Palace. Remembering them, her fist clenched into the thick woolen cloak that covered Etheana’s sleeping form. There’d been talk that Ulfric needed a worthy Queen and heir, not ‘a filthy elf and her tainted children’. That talk had even reached Etheana. Not fully understanding, she still came crying to her father. Nothing Ulfric could say or do would soothe her. Maybe Senja then had sensed in her child’s heart that a wave of ill fortune was waiting to break over their heads. Soon after that, noble families came offering their daughters in marriage. ‘For stability,’ each parroted the others before them. Ulfric kept refusing, gently letting down the head of each clan. At first, she had dared to hope that Etheana and later their littlest, Irena, was enough. But they would not, could not ever have been enough. The spark that would consume their happy little cocoon had been ignited when a warlord from Hammerfell came to negotiate an alliance against the Dominion waiting beyond their borders. Her skin crawled at the thought of the Dominion's threat. Yet with how gleefully some nobles sneered at her Altmer, deep down, it had felt more like an alliance against her. On the fifth day of negotiations, her heart was shattered by none other than the one who professed to love her unconditionally.

A guard shifted his feet; the candles cluttered around the feet of Talos’ statue flickered at the movement. Memories of the wedding ceremony clung like ghostly cobwebs to the walls and floor of the temple. Forgotten, sent away… she was just glad that the calm spell over her children held, keeping them fast asleep through the long wait. The one chest they were afforded for their belongings stood between the two guards: a mere scrap of what they were leaving behind. They were to travel light to Winterhold. No one must know of their journey, no attention could be drawn to them as they were exiled. Yes, _exiled_ , there was no other way of describing this farce. The waiting was the worst, the most painful. Were they waiting for the convoy to form? Or was he coming to say his goodbyes?

_From her window in the Palace of the Kings, Senja watched the mass of people attending the negotiations among colourful tents. So high above the ground, she could see the entire Hammerfell delegation’s camp which blocked off the Gray Quarter’s direct access to the city centre._

_Curiosity burned in her. The knowledge and stories the Redguards could tell! Yet,here she was cooped up inside by her ever-increasing Thane’s duties. Next to her, Irena slept soundly in her cot; Etheana shuffled wooden toy figurines across the floor, engrossed in her own little world. Grinding her teeth, Senja returned her focus to the layers of parchment spread out on her desk that supposedly needed her ‘immediate’ attention. Requests for aid on legal rulings and correspondence with representatives of elven communities. Why had Jorleif insisted she do this paperwork right now when other Thanes were mingling outside? Why was Etheana confined inside, when she should be with Ulfric as princess and his heir?_

_Heavy footsteps and the clanking of spears ripped her out of her musings. These steps… Ulfric was coming. She threw down the idle quill. So early in the day? Etheana perked up with that bright smile that preceded her father’s visits. Her toys were completely forgotten; she practically flung herself to her feet, as hard as her small legs allowed it. Then she was off, racing to the heavy oak door that separated their chambers from the Palace corridor. Slowly, so as not to wake Irena with the chair’s scraping, Senja stood as well, smoothing out the creases that had formed in her robes from sitting all day. Echoes of a dull pain made her wince slightly. The healer’s orders were that she rest more after the long, difficult birth she had with Irena._

_Her housecarl Lydia pulled the unsteady toddler back from the door before it could hit her. Lydia, a newly-minted housecarl from Whiterun, had been a gift from Jarl Vignar on the occasion of Etheana’s confirmation as princess and heir presumptive of Skyrim. Not a moment later, there was the distinctive knock from the guard announcing the door’s opening. It swung open. Lydia dropped into a short bow, releasing Etheana, and moved into her own room adjoining Senja’s._

_“Pa!” Etheana crowed happily, jumping into Ulfric’s outstretched arms. He easily lifted her up in the air._

_“How is my little princess doing?” he cooed into the beaming face above him._

_The only response he got was a fit of toothy giggles while her pudgy little hands touched his face. Then she stilled, curiously staring at the silvery shining crown that adorned his head. Never before had he worn his crown when he visited them. He’d always grumbled at its awkwardness. Frowning, as unease took hold of her, Senja stepped forward and Ulfric met her eyes. Something must have happened that made him go straight to her without stopping to put down the crown. He smiled at her, settling Etheana down on his hip, and leaned forward to peck Senja on the lips._

_“How is Irena?” He slung his free arm around her waist._

_“Tired herself out,” Senja sighed into his shoulder. “As newborns tend to do.”_

_“Then I will not disturb her.” He let go of Senja, then set Etheana down. “Princess, why don’t you go to Lydia for a moment?”_

_Etheana scrunched up her face in protest._

_“I will be back tonight,” he promised quickly. “You do still want to hear the rest of Brave Mathilda’s story?”_

_For a moment, Etheana considered this. But then, grinning, she raced into Lydia’s room._

_“Why did you send her away?” Senja asked._

_“This is not something she should hear.” He averted his eyes, something he always did when he was uncomfortable or displeased._

_“Ulfric… Did they demand something during the negotiations you were not willing to give?”_

_He winced. Seemed she had guessed right._

_“The warlord offered me his daughter’s hand in marriage.” – he still did not look at her – “No, not offered. Set that as a condition on our Alliance.”_

_To marry someone who was not her. Despite his promise to her father, she’d known deep down that had always been on the table. She had prayed fervently it would never happen. And then had rejected all those Nord nobles in favour of her, reminding them that he already had heirs! But now Skyrim needed an alliance with Hammerfell. He could not easily reject the conditions._

_He could not marry her . . . Or he did not wish to. In the darkest hours of the night, she found herself unsure of his feelings. Skyrim had been and always would be his first love. It had been easy to love her when it had not interfered with that greater love. Now… now, she interfered. Her mouth opened, yet no sound escaped._

_“I cannot refuse.” He pressed a desperate kiss to her numb forehead. “I am truly sorry.”_

_He left her there and then. With the news of his marriage hanging over her head. unsteady on her feet, listening to the heavy footsteps draw further and further away. What was to become of them?_

A month after her world had started to shatter, the ceremony took place. On a beautiful, crisp spring day, Senja watched as Ulfric spoke clearly and loudly the vows he had never dared to utter in her direction to a bright-eyed woman whose skin was the colour of the acorns that adorned her elaborate braids: charms of good luck to appease the goddess Kynareth. Forbidden to attend the celebration that followed, Senja joined her children already in their chambers. The festivities lasted for days, nearly two weeks in which they were cooped up. Hidden and – Senja could not fight the bitterness creeping into her thoughts – locked away. Out of sight, out of mind. More than once Etheana pleaded to go outside, seeing the decorations, the games the other children were playing, and Senja had to refuse every time.

In all that time, they were never introduced to the new High Queen of Skyrim nor did he come to visit them. It had hit Etheana hard since she was used to running freely through the palace. This confinement Senja could try and understand. But Etheana? Her mind could not grasp why her father would not visit every night anymore.

His first visit to them, after the festivities had concluded, had not gone well. No word was uttered on Etheana’s part; she had only stared intently at the wooden toys Ulfric had specially carved for her.

Those toys were still in Etheana’s room. What would he think should he find them? Would he even go back there? Maybe… just to feel close to them? Despite sending them away?

_Smoke._

_Heavy smoke clogging her nose. Coughing hard, Senja lurched awake. Smoke? Head still spinning from sleep, she sat up. Fire? Heat licked at her face, she leapt from her bed, mind suddenly sharp. Stumbling into the main chamber, she saw Lydia flying in from her room. A thick cloud of smoke slowly crawling across the ceiling…._

_“FIRE!” The shout outside rattled her bones, another coughing fit wracked her still weak body. The clanging of bells drowned out the thumping in her temples._

_Etheana was still in her room!_

_“Get Irena,” she ordered. Somehow she was still standing, new strength flooding her weary limbs._

_Lydia ran to Irena’s crib immediately._

_Desperately, she reached for the door. The door did not budge. Stuck? A scream ripped through the door. Etheana’s scream. No time. The feeling of rough stone surged into her skin, numbing everything down until she felt no more heat on her magically transformed skin. Once more she threw herself forward. Wood burst apart, splinters flying past and bouncing off her. Falling to her knees inside the room, she could see nothing in the thick smoke that hit her face._

_“Mama -” the smallest whisper followed by a vicious cough._

_Senja was back on her feet, then stumbling again over her daughter whom she immediately buried in an embrace. The toddler was trembling as Senja gathered her to her chest. Had to get out… Had to… She looked back. Nothing but a wall of grey. Everywhere. Head spinning, the sharpness of her mind slipping away. Magicka bubbled where Etheana clutched at her robe . . . freshly discharged magicka weaving into her own spell. Dread sank into her gut . . . she collapsed sidewards. Orange flickered through the grey._

_Trapped… no way out. Pushing Etheana’s face further into her shoulder, she threw her arms up and channeled all the strength and magicka left in her. Shimmering blue-white wards snapped into place above them. The smoke curling and flowering around them._

_By Auriel, she could not hold this up for long…_

_Black spots had started to form in her vision when water splashed over them. Surprised shouts of relief and shock, cut through the rushing in her ears. Hands grabbed at them. Senja’s last strength slipping from her... Etheana limp…_

_Her eyes fell closed._

_She woke in her own bed. On a stool next to her sat Ulfric, face dark and brow furled._

_“What were you thinking?” he growled. “Running into the fire like that and not…”_

_“Eth…”_

_“Alive.” He softened for a moment but then frowned again.. “What I am wondering is how a wooden horse seems to be the only source of the fire?”_

_Wuunferth gave them the answer the next day. Magicka, Etheana’s connection to her Magicka had grown strong enough to tap into it when she felt strong emotions. Senja knew she should be elated about this, but Ulfric stormed out of the wizard’s room leaving her feeling more lost than anything else._

When Ulfric had left after Senja had woken up, Etheana had come crying to her that her father had yelled at and left her. Glares and whispered curses followed her every step in Court. Ulfric avoided her, she once saw him turn on his heels when he saw her approaching. When she saw him, it was in a crowd of nobles and the company of his wife. She was expected to stay in the shadows and dared not make a single peep. This game of cat and mouse went on for nearly a week. Etheana needed her father more than ever now. He never came.

He had yet to introduce Etheana and Irena to the Queen. The longer this didn’t happen, the more worry gnawed at her mind. Something was happening around Senja and she was powerless to do anything about it. Why was he keeping Etheana and Irena away from the court? It’d been this way since Irena’s birth, before there’d been any idea of him marrying another. Isolated as they were, the words ‘locked away’ came to her more than once.

What would happen to Etheana and Irena should Ulfric’s wife have the heir everyone so craved? Sudandra al-Thamuwha was the daughter of a warlord who had freed Gilane from Thalmor occupation. Her hand in marriage strengthened the bonds that would keep the Thalmor at bay. Ulfric’s child by her would make Senja’s daughters obsolete; they’d no longer be his heirs. They’d be nothing. Would they be sent away to build up a whole new life without their father? Would Ulfric order her to marry some Nord, sequestered away in some remote keep?

To be forgotten… In a way, she was glad for all the tasks Jorleif was flinging at her, they kept the ache in her heart out of her mind. The evenings were the worst. Etheana kept waiting at the door, clutching to her chest the stuffed cat doll Ulfric had given her shortly before the incident, until she fell asleep on the floor. She was still deep in shock from the incident; she needed reassurance from her father that he was not angry or disgusted at her. There were only so many times she could reassure Etheana before the words lost their meaning. When Etheana started sobbing, Lydia had to reassure the guards at the door that nothing had happened. Everyone seemed to be on edge and Senja did not know why. No one would tell her anything when she had asked, the only reaction was an increased number of guards in front of her chambers.

Yet, their presence didn’t prevent Etheana from slipping out one day. Senja and Lydia were exhausted, Irena had been restless all night. They both dozed off over their correspondence; neither of them noticed Etheana’s exit.

_A gentle hand roused her from the haze of sleep. Blinking, Senja groaned and looked up to Lydia…. No, not Lydia. Ulfric stood next to her, Etheana clutched to his chest. Her face was red from tears, but her smile was the brightest Senja had seen in a long while. Confused, Senja opened her mouth, wondering if she were dreaming. After so long…_

_“Senja,” Ulfric said softly. Etheana buried her face in the soft fur that adorned his shoulders._

_“Ulfric?”_

_“Why didn’t you tell me Etheana needed me?”_

_She frowned, not knowing what to say. When had he come in? When had Etheana been crying? Why had she not noticed?_

_“I found her hiding in my chambers,” He cupped Etheana’s head, his thumb brushing protectively over her blonde braids. “Reassured her that I was scared back…” He didn’t say it, but Senja knew what he was referring to._

_Then… “She slipped out?” She shot up, arms outstretched to take Etheana from Ulfric._

_Ulfric’s face darkened and he did not let her take Etheana from his arms. “This shouldn’t have happened. Anyone could have got in! But Senja,” he bent his forehead against hers. “Why didn’t you tell me? I would have come! I felt so guilty for yelling at her as I did. Thought she needed some distance…”_

_Senja exhaled, letting herself sink into the touch she had craved and missed for weeks._

_“She is your daughter,” she said then. “She will need you whatever happens. This has all been a shock to her and she needs you to make her feel safe. I can only do so much.”_

_“I am sorry.” Ulfric kissed her forehead. “I will do better.”_

Immediately, his visits picked up again. Yet, she never spoke to him about his marriage or what was going on at court. Barely a word left her lips; she usually stood against the wall while Ulfric spent time with his children and Galmar kept watch. The chasm between them kept widening, her heart becoming number each day. His orders to confine the children to their chambers remained in place and now Senja was included in them as well. On more than one occasion, he looked at her as if he wished to say something. Then, as if he’d decided against it, he’d go back to the girls. Her own rage and pride prevented her from pressing for answers. Once, when he was leaving, he grabbed her hand to press a fleeting kiss to her knuckles. When he looked up, his blue eyes bored into hers. Imploring, begging her for understanding… for what she did not know. Fear of the unknown, of something looming on the horizon, surged up within her. Her hands trembled when the door closed behind him.

One night, she sensed Ulfric in her chambers, silently watching them sleep bundled up together in the large bed in her room. She should have known there then and there that her fears would come to pass sooner rather than later. She should have known it when he brushed her cheek affectionately, murmuring something into the night that she could not catch. He left, after dropping feather-light kisses on Irena’s chubby fingers and Etheana’s cheek. She should have known guilt had been eating at him.

_Irena was sick, hot from fever. Her nose was red and running and she heaved shallow breaths, crying from pain and exhaustion. Senja had swaddled her in several layers of wool despite the warm early summer air outside. Tired, she swayed from side to side, letting her golden healing magic seep around the two of them. She was humming a lullaby she hoped would put Irena back to sleep. The bottle of medicine Nurelion had brewed for her stood on a nightstand nearby. Beside it neglected paperwork of several days had piled up._

_Screw Jorleif griping about deadlines on important matters! As if anyone in the court trusted her with their important matters! Since when were the concerns of beast and elven communities important to them?_

_Ulfric had visited that morning to soothe Irena while Senja consulted with the court physician. Every few hours, a soldier from his personal guard came knocking, asking about Irena’s well-being. Had it worsened or improved? Ulfric had taken Etheana with him to visit Wuunferth, so she would not catch the illness too. Senja was glad Etheana was in the Court Wizard’s study and not with the rest of the court and the Queen. There was no safer place in the palace. Magic was volatile at such a young age when the powers were unfolding and the child had little control. Gods, she knew how she had been at that age. Her teasing father would never let her live down the scrapes she got herself into back then._

_“Thane Ice-Heart,” Jorleif’s voice cut through the heavy, thyme-scented air of her chambers._

_Blinking, she nodded at Jorleif in greeting._

_He stood stiffly at the entrance. A guard behind him awkwardly shifted from foot to foot._

_“You have received new orders from His Majesty,” Jorleif announced and held out a scroll for her to take. “Your debriefing will happen once the princess has recovered.”_

_Stepping forward, Lydia took the scroll from Jorleif._

_“She will be there,” Lydia replied coolly and held out an arm to show the Steward out._

_“How does the princess fare?”_

_“Stable, we are just keeping her as comfortable as possible,” Senja said._

_“I pray for her swift recovery.” Jorleif bowed his head and turned around to the guard who followed him out._

_“Should I read it to you?” Lydia asked._

_“Yes, please,” She resumed rocking her ailing infant._

_“Thane Ice-Heart,” Lydia began to read. “In light of recent events involving our daughter, I fear for her safety, as well as yours and Irena’s, should she remain untrained. While you are capable of teaching her, I and the Court are of the opinion that she needs a formal education as befits a princess of Skyrim. As such, I have reached out to the Archmage of Winterhold who has agreed to admit our daughters for training, in Irena’s case when she has reached the appropriate age. You will accompany them as their guardian. I trust you to take up the mantle of emissary of the King to the College, which has been left neglected for far too long._

_Your title has been altered to Honorary Thane and Lydia shall remain in your service._

_By the hand of the High King of Skyrim, Ulfric Stormcloak.”_

Next thing she remembered she was being hauled back into her chambers by the guards, crying and screaming hysterically. She had not got far., A couple of days later, once Irena was deemed healthy by the Court Physician, Senja was summoned for the debriefing from which Ulfric was absent. Now, she and her daughters were here in the deserted Temple of Talos, waiting for the convoy to be ready so they could be snuck into it.

“My Lady,” Finnian, a guard who had been stationed at her chambers, held out a steaming cup of tea to her. “Drink this, you’ll need it for the journey.”

“Thank you.”

Finnian, at least, would accompany them on their journey. He was to be reassigned to Winterhold to bolster the hold guard’s numbers. She’d been told more guards were to follow.

“The convoy will be ready soon enough,” Finnian told her. “We’ll have to move quickly once they are.”

He nodded over to the sleeping children. To hide her teary eyes, Senja looked up to the stone face of Talos. His blank eyes stared down at her, cold and unyielding, disgusted by what she was. Ulfric had not come even to say goodbye. “Senja,” Lydia spoke softly. “They are ready to move.”

It was night still, only the occasional torches and braziers spread around the city illuminated the path they were taking. Reminding her that she was not dreamwalking, but moving towards the convoy waiting for them to take them into exile. Irena was taken out of her arms and tucked into a heavy cot decked out with furs while Etheana was laid on a larger one.

“Grab my hand.” The face of Ulfric’s right-hand-man shifted into the torchlight, looking older and sadder than she remembered him.

“Galmar,” she breathed out, not sure whether to feel dread or relief.

“I am personally overseeing this mission.” Galmar extended her his hand. “The sooner we leave, the fewer people will know of our departure.”

Hesitantly, she took the offered hand and let him help her up onto a hard wooden bench, shaded by a leather awning. As soon as she sat down, the cart started to move. The only sounds were the clinking of the horses’ hooves against the cobblestones and the creaking of the wagon. Just outside the city walls, the first pink rays of morning kissed her face. On the bridge’s first gate-house she swore she saw a lone figure staring after them.

It couldn’t be him.

But she knew deep down that he was there. Seeing them off for who knew how long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the next chapter, Senja and Galmar will have a talk about the reasons why she is being sent away. She grapples with the realisation that Ulfric has fallen out of love with her while Galmar tries to comfort her.


	2. Journey to Winterhold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As night approaches on the journey to Winterhold, Galmar finds the opportunity to talk with Senja about the circumstances of her new position. He will divulge pieces of information which have been deliberately kept from Senja on Ulfric's orders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta - [joyofthejoui](https://archiveofourown.org/users/joyofthejoui)

* * *

When they made camp for the night, the northern lights already shone brightly against the starry sky. Now they sat around a merrily cracking campfire with a pot of tea steeping in its outer coals. Their stomachs were already full from the rations they’d brought with them. Etheana sat on Galmar’s knee, giggling uncontrollably as he bounced her. He and Lydia sang loudly and off-key through all the rounds Etheana kept begging for: “Hop hop, rider… if she flies she cries!”

It was a knee-bouncing rhyme Ulfric had loved to sing with Etheana. He’d dip her low at the last word of the rhyme, Etheana always shrieking in delight when he did so. At least the little game had distracted her daughter from her initial disappointment that her father would not accompany them on this fun trip to Winterhold. But there would be more questions once Etheana realised they were not going back home. Home – Senja looked down at Irena nursing at her breast – was it still home? Had it ever been? She shook her head. There was no use thinking about it. Not right now. Not while her throat was too tight to speak, let alone sing along with the little rhyme.

Exile… the word rang louder in her mind out here. Here, in the cool of a Skyrim summer night, the truth of her situation began to slowly sink in. As she watched them chanting their merry rhyme, the chill of loss settled within her heart. Ulfric had exiled them, sent them away as if they meant nothing to him. Whether he’d visit them at all, she could not tell. That tiny hope felt too distant. _Like a lie_. How easily had he pushed them away since Sudandra had arrived? Had he truly fallen for her?

Galmar stopped his knee bouncing. “Want a treat, princess?” he asked.

“No!” Etheana protested, her cheeks flush from all the laughing. “One more round!”

“Let an old man keep his knees,” Galmar retorted good-naturedly and patted Etheana's head. “I packed some of your favourite treats!”

Etheana immediately perked up. “Honey nut?”

“Now you want it?” Galmar teased, holding the small, brown, sticky cake just out of Etheana’s reach. “I think-”

“No!” Etheana grabbed desperately for the cake, face furrowed in indignation as she tried to clamber up Galmar.

“Here. “Chuckling, Galmar pressed the cake into waiting hands. “Such ferocity has to be rewarded.”

Etheana stuffed the treat in her mouth. Cheeks bulging she began chewing. Her victory - and the smeared honey - was worn triumphantly on her face.

“The tea should be ready soon.” Lydia slid down beside Senja. “Should stave off the night chills.”

Senja shifted Irena out from beneath her thick wool mantle and gave Lydia a weary smile. “I appreciate this, Lydia.”

Lydia clasped her shoulder. “If you need to talk, I am here.”

Talk, Senja’s throat tightened at the offer. She was not ready. Not yet.

“I am fine,” she muttered hastily, moving to stand up. “I… everything has been said. Have to get Irena to her cot.”

Senja moved Irena into the sheltered cot on the cart where she and Lydia would sleep later. Lydia’s knowing look followed Senja’s every move. After so long in her service, Senja knew Lydia could sense when she was lying or not saying something. Gods knew they’d both needed a confidante and friend when they first met. It’d been a whole new situation for Senja and a foreign hold for Lydia. But Senja was not yet ready to speak the truth out loud, even to Lydia. That would mean admitting that Ulfric had stopped loving them.

After putting down Irena, Senja settled back down by the campfire with Lydia and Galmar, who were exchanging worried looks over Etheana’s head. The toddler had started dozing off; after each blink, her eyes stayed closed a little longer.

“I will get her to her cot,” Lydia offered, standing up before Senja could. “You two…” she looked to Galmar. “You need to talk.”

Senja turned her head to the man who looked as though he’d aged decades in the last few moments.

“Here.” He held out a tankard of steaming tea. “You will need this.”

“Galmar?”

“Ulfric…” Galmar let out a heavy sigh. “He has not made this decision lightly.”

Senja could not utter a word. Hadn’t he now? Then why hadn’t he said anything to her? She could have counseled him! How close he must have been to telling her and yet, he had always decided not to! He’d known full well his command would leave her reeling! Why had he decided to leave them as soon as a more politically advantageous and un-elven bride was thrown at him? Her eyes started to burn and she pressed a thumb and forefinger to their corners. Do not cry, must not cry. Showing any weakness would only… gods, it truly didn’t matter any longer. Who was there to see? Galmar, who no doubt would report this to Ulfric? Ulfric, who she could count on not to tell anyone. Maybe - she felt a craven urge to laugh deep inside her gut - maybe it would hurt him to hear of this? That was what she wished: for him to hurt as much as she did in this moment.

“Senja, I can tell you what I know.”

She stared at him. What did he know that she didn’t already?

“He refused at first” Galmar turned to look back into the flames. “Vehemently.”

_Galmar was looking down at the maps and scrolls spread out on the table before him. For hours, he had stood at Ulfric’s side as he and the Warlord Ushemi al-Thamuwha worked out the outlines of their alliance. They’d laid out their purpose and their common goals, determined what could be compromised upon or rejected. They’d decided the disposition of their military forces and the opening of more trade routes between Skyrim and Hammerfall._

_“There is one more matter I wish to discuss with you before we move on, Stormcloak,” al-Thamuwha spoke up, rolling shut the scroll upon which he had kept his own notes during their talks._

_“What matter?” Ulfric asked, straightening up to look directly into the elderly Redguard’s eyes._

_“The matter, should this alliance be forged, of keeping it intact.”_

_Galmar bristled at the insinuation of untrustworthiness but kept his mouth shut while two leaders stared the other down._

_“Do you doubt that we will uphold our end?” Ulfric asked pointedly._

_“No. However, there are ways to ensure its longevity long after we have passed.”_

_Another proposal of marriage to someone Ulfric had no desire to wed. Talos, he could only pray that this Redguard’s wish would not break this fledgling alliance before it had even begun. Galmar snuck a side glance at Ulfric; his hands curled tightly around the table’s edge. His patience was straining. Galmar thought about the Thane and the princesses locked away in their chambers at the Palace. He didn’t need to guess where Ulfric would rather be at this moment._

_Ulfric shook his head. “I have heirs. I do not need to marry.”_

“I heard,” _al-Thamuwha scoffed. “I also heard that their mother is of Altmer heritage.”_

_“What are you implying?”_

_“You’ve left your legacy in the hands of elves, Stormcloak.”._

_“The Thane has proven herself loyal and trustworthy through her service in the rebellion!” Galmar intervened._

_“And he has still not married her.” al-Thamuwha’s eyebrow was raised. “There is no real trust there, now, is there? Do you wish to plunge Skyrim back into a bloody war because you neglected to secure your legacy?”_

_Galmar turned to face Ulfric, who was looking back at him with darkened eyes. Was he truly considering what this Redguard was saying? After everything the Thane had done for him: saved his life and given him two healthy children? It was the bloodhounds of the court who had clamoured most loudly that he not marry her. They would have no one of elven descent on the High Queen’s throne. That was… he needed to get Ulfric alone, to speak on her behalf: the arrangement they had was strong, they needed no marriage to hold this alliance!_

_“I refuse,” Ulfric spoke deliberately and loudly._

_“Then this Alliance will be doomed to fail,” al-Thamuwha said. “And I am not about to waste my energy on an alliance that might not hold for long.”_

_“There are other ways to ensure its longevity,” Ulfric replied coolly. “My decision stands. I refuse this proposal.”_

_“My daughter put her life on the line fighting against the Thalmor,” al-Thamuwha commented drily. “She has political experience and would be a suitable High Queen. And you prefer an elf of low rank?”_

_“Would you rather I wed your daughter and let her live in a loveless marriage?”_

_“We all marry for duty.” al-Thamuwha shrugged. “Take the night to deliberate. Your court will wish to have their stances heard.”_

_Galmar made to speak, but Ulfric had already stormed out of the tent, leaving Galmar to hurry after him. Outside, the Nords parted quickly to let the two pass._

“And then, the moment he stormed out, the news began spreading that the alliance might break down because of his refusal.” Galmar rubbed the knee Etheana had sat on. “The nobles accosted him as soon as we reached the privacy of his own tent. Hounded him, you know how they are.”

“I know,” Senja clasped her hands tighter around her cup. “What did they say to make him cave?”

Galmar groaned. “They repeated what the warlord said. They insisted Ulfric keep his promise and do whatever it took to make the alliance work. They argued that Skyrim needed allies and they would gladly accept a Queen who had successfully defied the Thalmor before. The Black-Briar woman was the loudest, yapping about the state of our treasury….”

“Of course, she would have,” Senja growled. “So he caved because I am untrustworthy? Because of who my father is?”

“No.” Galmar’s smile was grim.

“But _why_?”

“The reason he never married you was thrown back in his face,” he explained less gruffly than usual. “They dared him to tell them why, if he knew you to be so trustworthy, he had never proven it to _them_. And he kept saying that you were the most loyal of them all. But in the end, for the sake of the alliance, he agreed.”

“I see,” Senja muttered and took a sip of her tea, so she didn’t have to speak further.

But there was one question she still had to ask. “Does he love her?”

“The Queen?”

“Yes.” Her voice had dropped to a bare whisper, already dreading the answer.

“No,” Galmar replied immediately and reached over to pat her shoulder. “He loves you.”

“It took him eight weeks to fall in love with me,” Senja argued. “He is passionate. It would be so easy for him to…” she could not speak the rest.

“Have some faith in him.” Galmar gave her shoulder one more pat before straightening up again.

“How should I have faith in him? When he sent me and our children away?”

“The incident with the fire. The Queen and the court were restless when they learned what had happened. How you and the princess had nearly died.”

Senja winced, remembering the cold fury in Ulfric’s face when she had woken up after the fire.

_Galmar stood at the right side of Ulfric’s throne. To his left, the newly crowned High Queen Sudandra sat in her own stone chair. The court was nervous, their chatter too high and tittering for him to filter out any words, let alone snippets of conversations. Yet, he knew that last night’s incident was on everyone’s mind. His own gut still twisted when the images of the princess’ and the Thane’s bodies flashed in his mind. They had been believed dead until they had started coughing. If he looked to Ulfric now, he knew he would see gaunt lines in his face. Ulfric had spent all night at their bedsides, fearing for their lives._

_Only to have to face down the slaughterfish about to swarm. Senja’s enemies smelled blood in the water. Their murmurs against the princesses and the Thane had become louder since the Queen had been crowned. They said their presence was a grave offense to her. Some murmurs were darker. There was talk of Senja’s magic and knowledge of alchemy, worries the Queen would be sabotaged to keep the princesses in line for the throne, insinuations that Senja was a threat to Skyrim’s stability._

_“My King,” Vulwulf Snow-Shod spoke up. “Is it true? Has the princess truly set her own room on fire? Does she have magic?”_

_Ulfric stared blankly at the heavy-set Nord who stood before his throne. Several other nobles, along with the Redguard delegation, were nodding their heads. What was Ulfric waiting for? Galmar stole a side glance at his King. The moment in which Ulfric could have responded passed and shouting erupted._

_“QUIET!” Galmar bellowed. The guards knocked their weapons against their shields._

_The court quieted down, but Senja’s enemies had what they had wanted. Now everyone knew._

_“Is the princess a danger to Her Majesty?” a Redguard noble asked loudly, eyeing the Queen as he spoke._

_“She is!” someone else yelled from the back rows before Ulfric could answer._

_“She is a mage, just like her mother!”_

_“It’s in her blood! What did you all expect?”_

_“My King, will you tolerate such danger to your Queen, to us?”_

_“She is your princess, my heir presumptive!” Ulfric finally growled. The walls vibrated as the Thu’um leaked into his fury._

_Everyone stopped. Wide eyes regarded their King leaning forward, brow furrowed and anger worn openly upon his face._

_“My King,” the insufferable Snow-Show started again. “That may be true. However, she is uncontrolled. She will need proper tutoring. And, once you have your heir with the Queen,” He bowed briefly to Sudandra. “The princesses will need to be fostered away; their claim will no longer hold.”_

“They were not even concerned whether Etheana was well,” Senja whispered in horror.

“No,” Galmar admitted with a wince. “You didn’t hear any of this, because Ulfric threatened anyone who could have told you. The Queen had announced her pregnancy to him shortly before the incident. She asked Ulfric to consider sending you away for her own safety.”

The world seemed to tilt around her. She felt too light, bile burning up from her stomach. Pregnant… Already? She wrapped her arms around herself and pulled her legs up to her chest. Swallowing, she tried to push down the bile. Her skin crawled at the thought of him and her…. Why hadn’t Ulfric told her? Had he wished them gone without knowing? Had he truly fallen out of love with her so easily? With the promise of a child that did not carry in its veins the blood of his enemies?

_He had fallen for her in the span of weeks once… it would be so easy for him to fall out of love just as quickly._

“And he listened to her?” Senja asked, too faint to lift her head from her knees.

So he has fallen for the Redguard who fought off the Thalmor from her homeland. Who was she compared to the Queen?

_Galmar stood in front of Ulfric’s desk in his chambers: Ones he slept in more often since his marriage. Down the corridor, the Queen had already retired to her own chambers. Ulfric sat hunched over, face buried in his hands._

_“Ulfric,” he started, but was cut off with a wearily raised hand._

_“I know what you are going to say. That I should not listen to the court.”_

_“You know as well as I do, that the court cares not a shred for the princesses nor the Thane.”_

_“There are some,” Ulfric argued._

_“But they are off in different holds most of the time; they are the quiet ones,” Galmar shot back. “Etheana is your heir, you cannot send her away.”_

_“Yet I am forced to do so,” Ulfric snapped. “Do you think I want this?”_

_“There must be a way. Wuunferth…”_

_“Is too old,” Ulfric replied, defeated. “He will never be able to keep up with Etheana.”_

_“You have made your decision,” Galmar stated bitterly._

_“It was made for me,” Ulfric groaned. “Damn it, Galmar. I thought you’d understand! Everything is riding on this alliance! Sudandra is pregnant and Senja…” he choked at the end. “I cannot keep her here.”_

_This was ridiculous. “Your daughters will resent you for this.”_

_Something flashed up in Ulfric’s eyes; Galmar had touched a sore spot: the resentment Ulfric had felt when his father sent him away to the Greybeards. Now, he was the one doomed to be resented._

_“Out,” he ground out._

_As soon as Galmar closed the door behind him, something heavy crashed against stone in Ulfric’s chambers. The guards jolted into action, but Galmar shook his head and began the long walk down to his own quarters._

“So he is willing to have his children resent him?” Senja asked, tears now blurring her vision, the cup in her hands shaking. “All for what? The court? Another child?”

“Save your tears,” Galmar reminded her. “They can mean death in these parts.”

Her shoulders shook and she muffled the sob about to escape her into the too-hot tea. Blinking, she set the cup down to rub her eyes. For him, the child with the Queen was more important now. She and their children pushed away. Out of sight and out of mind with the assurance to his guilty conscience that they were properly tutored.

Exile.

“Here.” Galmar was searching through a pouch attached to his belt and produced….

“Sir Longtooth!” Senja gasped, recognizing Etheana’s cat doll which they’d had to leave behind. “How?”

“Ulfric found it,” Galmar held it out. “He wished for the princess to have it.”

“Are they still even princesses?” She took it, the doll’s stitched eyes looking up at her. A gift from Ulfric, it had been Etheana’s sleeping companion ever since.

“They are,” Galmar soothed. “And they always will be.”

Senja did not bother to look at Galmar. Until the Queen had the heir everyone in the court so craved, they’d be princesses. Then, they’d be lucky to be even remembered.

“He also wished for you to have this.” He pulled a small scroll from his pouch. “Only for your eyes.”

A letter? What did Ulfric have to tell her? After everything. A goodbye? Explanations? Something to break her heart further or soothe its ragged edges? Hesitantly, she took it. No seal, only a simple piece of paper rolled up. She unrolled it, revealing the hastily scribbled words of a short message.

_Senja, my heart,_

_When you read this, you will have stopped for the night and our daughters gone to sleep. I miss you. The thought of not having you three around has cut into my soul. I know your pain must be so much worse. Please, I am begging you to find it within yourself to forgive me. But I cannot have you near me, the Court and the Queen anymore. You would not have been safe and I would not have been able to protect you. I could not bear the thought of you being hurt. It is for your own sakes I am doing this. Etheana needs proper tutoring. The Queen is anxious about her remaining’; so is the Court. My hands are tied._

_I love you and I can only implore you to never forget this. I pray to see you when I visit Winterhold._

_Ulfric._

Her hands were shaking, the words blurred together into one inky mess. Not safe? He had decided that over her head? In danger from whom? Or more likely… were they the danger? For their own sakes…. No. Lies… she bit down a sob, anger and grief warring within her. No, he wished them gone and was using others to justify himself.

What did the Queen have that she didn’t? Why did he love her? Why did he no longer love his own children? Galmar was too blinded by his undying loyalty to Ulfric to see this truth. She had once had her use… now… another served it.

Skyrim would always be his first love. Only Sudandra could fit within that love now.

Before she knew it, the shreds of his message were balled up in her hands and soon they crackled along with the logs of their campfire.

Tomorrow, they would have another grueling journey down from the mountains onto the road leading to Winterhold and the College. Then… their life without Ulfric would begin. She without her heart and her children without a father. There could have been worse fates: she could have been sent away without her children, to watch them grow up calling Sudandra mother. Was it mercy on his part?

All for Skyrim…

She just wished the price for Skyrim’s freedom was not so high for her to pay.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Senja and her daughters will arrive in Winterhold in the next chapter where they will be introduced to its members as Senja remembers what has once been and now will never be.


End file.
